Hi everyone! Today seemed like a good day to check in and give you an update on what's been going on in my life recently. I am so happy to tell you that I am 17 weeks pregnant right now and getting more and more excited to meet our new baby in March.
Unfortunately, I haven't been feeling any better, quite possibly even worse than in my first trimester, so please understand why I haven't been posting many new recipes, answering your questions and comments, and have pretty much disappeared from social media.
As you know from my previous post, I had a PICC line put in and get IV fluid infusions every day for 6 hours. I'm still not able to keep much food down. I've figured out that I feel a lot better if I don't eat, LOL. Of course, there are the downsides of weakness, losing weight and stressing out that the baby needs to get nutrients. I do still cook once in a while, the only problem is that it makes me really nauseous and then I can't eat what I cooked. Last weekend, my sweet husband helped me make a gigantic pot of Chicken Broth and I'm really enjoying sipping on it throughout the day. We made it really concentrated and I also added a whole bunch of veggies to it, so at least I'm getting some nutrients in me.
I'll be honest, it's been really hard lately. I haven't been able to work for awhile and don't have any energy at all. I'm a task oriented person by nature, so it's very difficult for me to not be able to check things off my to do list. It's torture for me to just lay around in bed or on the couch, but I feel so awful most of the time, that I don't even have the energy to mope about it too much.
In addition to all of that, last weekend, I ended up being hospitalized, since I got a blood clot in my arm where I have the PICC line. 
Blood clots are a risk if you have a central line, and since my protein levels are very low, that put me at an even higher risk. I am so thankful that I didn't have to be hospitalized any longer and got to go home on the second day. Even though I am really glad to be home and thankful that it wasn't anything serious, I now have to get shots twice a day for the next 3 months, or possibly for the rest of the pregnancy. NOT fun.
Anyway, I just wanted to be honest and fill you in. It really helps to have an incredibly supportive and loving husband, who takes amazing care of me. There's also a wonderful outcome out to all of this. This time, with all the IVs, poking, hospitals and doctors, I at least have something great to look forward to. I know it's only temporary and I will be back to my normal self before long. I can't be pregnant forever, and I'm almost half way there.
There are 4 things that I've discovered that help me when I feel discouraged:
1. Don't beat myself up about feeling down.
As human beings living in an imperfect world, there are both good days and bad days. I have to realize that sometimes it's ok to cry and feel discouraged. Dark days are part of life and that's normal. As long as I don't wallow in self pity and depression for too long, it's ok to have a good cry now and then, like last weekend when I was ordered by my doctor to go to the hospital. Beating yourself up about not staying positive 100% of the time is discouraging and tiring in itself. Besides, it's not realistic.
2. Don't expose myself to negative people, media, books, etc.
I'm sure most people are very caring and don't mean to be malicious in their comments. They probably don't even realize how much their words can hurt. I've had to learn to shield myself from it as much as I can, especially when I am very vulnerable. That is not the time to try to stay strong.
Talk to people who are encouraging and will lift your spirits. When you are strong and feel good emotionally, then you can try to be an encouragement to others, but don't try to be a hero when you're weak yourself. It will only make you feel worse. I just talked to both my Dad and Mom on the phone yesterday, and they were so positive, that I felt ready to tackle the world and especially to work hard and take care of our precious baby for the next five months.
3. Don't compare myself to others. It's so easy for me to have a pity party if I compare myself to others and wish that I was "normal". Why can't I just enjoy my pregnancy like other people? Why do I have to go through so much every day? I wish I was a normal wife to my husband and he didn't have to come home from work tired and still have to help out with housework and have to know how to manage all my medical care.
Sergi could pass all the Nursing Skills tests with flying colors because he's practiced them all on me. Sterile dressing changes, hooking up IV fluids, flushing PICC lines, giving shots - piece of cake! That's not counting all the other stuff he had to learn 7 years ago when I was in much worse shape. I love that he is so smart and we can be mostly self sufficient. The home health nurse only comes once a week to get my bloodwork for labs, but it would be so much better if I didn't need any of it at all.
I wish I could make dinner like usual, have a clean home and go out on fun dates with my husband instead. Sergi reminds me that this is "our normal". Yes. It is. That is why it's so important to NOT compare myself to others and instead count all of my blessings and realize how awesome it is that I am alive and doing so well. That green monster can just get out of my house, because the comparison game is too costly for my emotional and spiritual frame of mind.
4. Remember all of God's promises and all that He has done for me already.
"Bless the Lord, O my soul;
And all that is within me, bless His holy name!
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits" Psalm 103:1,2
It's incredible for me to think back to everything that I've already been through and see how God miraculously saved my life and gave us the strength to endure everything that was happening. He has been with us through much more horrific circumstances and He will be with us every step of the way now too. We are so thankful for our miracle baby and I thank God every day for modern medicine and knowledgable physicians.
Thank you for all your prayers and your care and concern! We really appreciate it.
In other exciting news, Sergi and I DO know the gender of our baby! We found out much sooner than most, because I've had to be monitored much more often to make sure the baby was developing properly. Thanks to the grace of God, the baby is growing perfectly. Even though we didn't care if it was a boy or a girl, it's very special to know who it is. I think we can connect to the baby much more now. We even have a name picked out. We had a fun gender reveal party for our family and got it on video too:). We are keeping it a secret for now, but will share it with all of you soon.
YOU ARE A WARRIOR! First for The Lord and now as a momma. It is a season and it will pass 🙂 Just look ahead at the blessing that will soon be in your arms! Praying for you and yours and cannot wait to hear the gender! Its such a precious time that you will miss it when its over (crazy, I know!)
Olga, I have been following your two blogs from the very beginning and just wanted to say that you are both super strong individuals and your faith in God is seen throughout your life! Please don't feel guilty not posting new recipes as I am pretty sure most of us haven't tried making most of the recipes and need more time to catch up. 🙂
Olga - you are a trooper! Praying for you and the baby. Keep your spirits positive and it will all be worth it. Thank goodness for modern medicine to treat you and the baby. A big hug to you!!
Dear Olga,
I would like you to know that you are in my prayers, and I am so sorry that you are not feeling well. The grace and composure you are showing during this difficult time is very inspiring. I hope and pray that your pregnancy will be less stressful.
God Bless!
Dear Olga.....I loved this post. I M FEELING SAME. My first pregnancy was a breeze and second.......I Mean this one is horrible.
I m 16 weeks pregnant. I start bleeding any time. I m hospitalized thrice.
Whatever u wrote I feel the same.......why I m not normal......why I cannot clean my house..,...grocery shopping..... Weekly menu......I miss so many things that I used to do. I am only allowed to go to hospital and clinic for routine checkup. Doctor didnot allow me to leave my house. I cannot go out. I cannot hold my 4.5 year old son.....I have to take rest .most of d time. My sister-in law is also pregnant but she is enjoying her pregnancy...,....
when I start bleeding I have fear of loosing my baby...... Do u know I use pads...any panty liners n sometimes I don't feel pregnant coz I feel how can I bleed I pregnancy....
Then shots....IV and IM.....but I think the same ...I know it’s only temporary and I will be back to my normal self before long. I can’t be pregnant forever, and I’m almost half way there......
Sorry for long comment.....u r not alone......and if u remember me.....I m Shirley from India, Asia.
Dear Olga, I've been reading your site for about two years now (I think), and let me tell you - you are such an amazing young woman! I wish I knew you in person. I'm so happy that our Lord blessed you with a pregnancy! I cried so much while reading what happened to you seven years ago, and your adoption story, and foster parenting - all your life, your faith, your strong spirit is just so beautiful and inspiring.
I can also relate to you, as I know exactly what you're going through now. I have two daughters, and both of the pregnancies were high risk (I also had a miscarriage a year ago) . Not able to keep any food or liquid down, going to emergency room because of dehydration, blood clots in my leg due to my blood disorder, Lovenox injections twice a day for MONTHS, bed rest and on, and on... It felt like a nightmare! My husband, just like yours, was an angel sent from God, and I don't know what would I do without him! I know exactly that feeling when you compare yourself to other pregnant women and all those miserable thoughts, feeling guilty deep inside because of being a "patient", not a wife, for the husband... But now, watching my girls playing, hearing their voices, their laughter, I feel so blessed, and all of my awful sufferings are paid off!
Olga, I keep you in my prayers, and know, that our God will guide you through this hard time! Blessings!!! Venera.
Olichka, you are an amazing woman and wife, God loves you so much He answered yours and many others prayers, if He gave this child for you to carry, then He will help you through it all, just give it all to Him, trust Him completely. God Bless you sweety we are praying for you.
Olga! I'm so so happy for u that u r pregnant! God bless ur baby and ur family!
I love ur recipes - I just found our that u r pregnant today:) and just read ur blog today that u know the gender of the baby! I so so want to know who u r having- please please tell me:)
I feel like it is a girl:)
I have 2 boys:)
Olga thank you for sharing these glimpses into your life. The pic cline clot- yikes! I'm so glad you're ok. I sure hope you start feeling better soon. It's so hard to feel normal when you can't eat and nothing sounds appealing and to have to do IV fluids on top of it all - you are amazing to handle it all with so much grace. I think we're the hardest on ourselves. Our readers are much more forgiving and understanding than we think. I beat myself up with similar thoughts of comparing to others while I felt like a miserable slug in the first trimester. I wish I had read your post then; it would have helped me :-). Anyway, I'll be praying for you and yes you are almost halfway there!!!
I am praying for you, your husband and especially your miracle baby that God may keep you all safe and healthy and give you the strength to go through the pregnancy. Be blessed as you have been blessing others through many different ways!!!
Love you positive attitude. Gods blessing for you Olga!!!
Praying with my family for your health and for the wonderful day when you and your husband will hold your precious baby, a miracle, and a wonderful gift from God!
You are such a sweet, inspiring woman. Thank you for keeping us all updated. Can't wait to find out the sex of the baby!
May God bless you and keep you strong! Praise the Lord as He is Mighty! I say its a boy
Here are some songs that encourage me when days are tough...
When I cry-Gaither vocal band
One day at a time-gaither vocal band
He already sees-collingsworth family
Through-gaither vocal band
Be blessed Olga!